you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i dont even know how to be here
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
