I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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