Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
