dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize