Fine. I'll sleep in my office
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
