These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
