I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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