I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
