In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
