Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
