hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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