I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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