i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
