there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
