just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
