in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
