No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
