So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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