i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
