When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
