I must be too annoying 4 u.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
