well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
