well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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