fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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