My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
