i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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