I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
