Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
