I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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