ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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