someone owes me an orgasm
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
