R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
