dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just cut my nipple shaving
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
