so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I understand Curling. That high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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