she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
