Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize