my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it because I queefed?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
