fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
