yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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