Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
