I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
