you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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