I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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