I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
