it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
