WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
