Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
