You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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