my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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