Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
