you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
