I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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