Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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