I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
