I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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