I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
