so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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