mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
