you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
