So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
