Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
