Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
