True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
