I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
wow bdsm is so cute
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