Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The struggles of a small town man whore
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
