Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i believe in u and ur pee
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