Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Michael Bay diarrhea
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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