Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize