all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
