I can text with my tongue
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
