this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck me I smell like cheese
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
