jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
