Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
