i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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