God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
this will be a night to untag.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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