Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
