If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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