you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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