I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
