I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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