I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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