ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
