So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
