1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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