im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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