I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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