just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
