Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
