I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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