That's when you crack a 10am beer
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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