I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
