I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
