I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize