Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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