ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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