My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
