that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize