They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
