More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
