God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize