Me. At least after what I've been through.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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