it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
